I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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