I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
