I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
