remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Randomize
