Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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