I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
It's shark week go big or go home
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
