You smell like a Billy Joel song
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
i think my cat just said my name.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
