I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
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