She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize
