Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Randomize
