Fuck appropriateness.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
