Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
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