How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
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