Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
