That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
