The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
