party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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