Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize
