There was a lot of him and a little penis
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
