That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
