I think I won the penis lottery.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
