and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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