You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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