that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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