i'm signing you up for texting rehab
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
