david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
