He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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