her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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