If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
