He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
