Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Randomize
