and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Randomize
