so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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