I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
