That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
