I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
we made out on top of his cat.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
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They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
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Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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