There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
