I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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