He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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