I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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