I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
