Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
