I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
