He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
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