man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Randomize
