i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
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