saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Oh god it's open bar.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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