Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
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