Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Randomize
