Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
