Fine. I'll sleep in my office
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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