I want to stick my p in your. b.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
