Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
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Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
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Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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