Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Randomize
