I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
