there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
