her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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