Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
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