I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
