3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
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