I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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