NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
