Non-Jews are for practice
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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