he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
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