i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
