Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
She's like a pop up book from hell.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I will be naked everywhere
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Randomize
