i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
