You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
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At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
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I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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