so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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