she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Randomize
