Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
my phone needs a breathalizer
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Randomize
