Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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