He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
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