if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
