Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
