He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
