I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
You don't make any sense
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