I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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