oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
