it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
