I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
