she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Randomize
