so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
