everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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