end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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