He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
