I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
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