I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
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