Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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