Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
