I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
