Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Randomize
