this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
