On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
