I need help removing her.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
