So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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