Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
My penis needs a shock collar
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
